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Earl Hornswaggle claims to be the oldest man in Bangor, Maine, clocking in, acccording to him, at 121 years old. However, this is the tamest of his assertions. Find yourself drawn into his gravity, and he will regale you with stories of his days as a lumber baron, schoolteacher, river driver, newspaper man, ferry operator, inventor, escape artist, and, well, the list goes on and on. It would be easy to write him off as a pathological liar, but in his oddly charismatic presence, each of his extraordinary yarns seems so very real...
And now, for this month's completely unverifiable tale:
As told to Mark Ricketts
by Earl Hornswaggle
My grandfather met Abraham Lincoln and his wife way back when he was head cook up to Vice President Hamlin’s Bangor mansion. The first family had come to visit, and it was grandfather’s job to figure out what to serve ‘em for supper. He chose lobster so’s to give ‘em a taste of authentic New England cookin’. In fact, it was him told the vice president that, for fun, he should have his honored guests drop by the kitchen. Thought they might like to pick out their own lobster. And just to give ‘em an extra thrill, he suggested they should stick ‘round and see how those suckers got cooked.
“Well, Vice President Hamlin was keen to show his guests a good time, and he for sure wanted ‘em to take in the local color, so he agreed that’d be a fine idea. It didn’t quite turn out the way they planned though, ‘cause when Mrs. Lincoln caught sight of those caged and skitterin’ critters, with their snappin’ pinchers and beady little black eyes, she went t’ twichin’.
“When grandfather dropped one of ‘em in boilin’ water, and it turned red as the devil, well, Mrs. Lincoln had herself a conniption fit. She got to screamin’ so much, the president had to wrassle her down.
“Years later, the vice president told my grandfather that Mrs. Lincoln completely lost her mind and they’d packed her off to the booby hatch.
“My grandfather thought on it a mite, looked Mr. Hamlin in the eyes, and replied, ‘guess I shoulda served clams.’
And now, for this month's completely unverifiable tale:
MARY TODD LINCOLN’S FIRST LOBSTER
As told to Mark Ricketts
by Earl Hornswaggle
My grandfather met Abraham Lincoln and his wife way back when he was head cook up to Vice President Hamlin’s Bangor mansion
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“Well, Vice President Hamlin was keen to show his guests a good time, and he for sure wanted ‘em to take in the local color, so he agreed that’d be a fine idea. It didn’t quite turn out the way they planned though, ‘cause when Mrs. Lincoln caught sight of those caged and skitterin’ critters, with their snappin’ pinchers and beady little black eyes, she went t’ twichin’.
“When grandfather dropped one of ‘em in boilin’ water, and it turned red as the devil, well, Mrs. Lincoln had herself a conniption fit. She got to screamin’ so much, the president had to wrassle her down.
“Years later, the vice president told my grandfather that Mrs. Lincoln completely lost her mind and they’d packed her off to the booby hatch.
“My grandfather thought on it a mite, looked Mr. Hamlin in the eyes, and replied, ‘guess I shoulda served clams.’
